My whiny blog
I have never been more emotionally tired and socially withdrawn in my life. I was invited to do several different things tonight and none of them sounded appealing to me. Tomorrow, I plan to watch the superbowl alone, because I just don't have the energy to be around others and not accidentally suck the joy out of their life at this moment. I feel like an emotional leach right now. I crave others to bring me out of this hole I have accidentally fallen into, and when no one is there to pick me up I sit in my hole and wallow.
I know everything happens in God's timing, but what is the purpose of what I am going through? Was I too happy and lively of a person, that I needed to be attacked and attacked until I have no more strength to fight? Lately all I do is lay on the ground and withstand the kicks and the beating. Hoping it will stop, but not having the strength to defend myself. So I withdraw.
How can one love so emensily that it drains them to their very core? I did, and I don't believe in having it any other way. But when the love is gone, you are left a shell of a person; light dimming and craving solitude.
What still messes with my head, is knowing the love we shared and it just not being enough. What kind of cruel world do we live in where love doesn't have the chance to prevail?
Life for me at the moment is trying to sift through all of this trash that has been dumped on me. Trying to make it all make sense in the best way I can without becoming distrustful and bitter. And so far, it's not going so well...
I know everything happens in God's timing, but what is the purpose of what I am going through? Was I too happy and lively of a person, that I needed to be attacked and attacked until I have no more strength to fight? Lately all I do is lay on the ground and withstand the kicks and the beating. Hoping it will stop, but not having the strength to defend myself. So I withdraw.
How can one love so emensily that it drains them to their very core? I did, and I don't believe in having it any other way. But when the love is gone, you are left a shell of a person; light dimming and craving solitude.
What still messes with my head, is knowing the love we shared and it just not being enough. What kind of cruel world do we live in where love doesn't have the chance to prevail?
Life for me at the moment is trying to sift through all of this trash that has been dumped on me. Trying to make it all make sense in the best way I can without becoming distrustful and bitter. And so far, it's not going so well...
posted by chalarenee at
11:50 PM
1 Comments:
Hey girl, I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. It's going to get better, even if it doesn't seem so now. I'm not sure what's going on with your mom, but know that deep down she loves you. As far as the rest of your situation, I'm pretty sure I can guess what it is related to, and you're just going to have to drag yourself up and start kicking back. You can do it. You WILL make it through this. I'm here if you need me. Love you.
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